Changing of lives
by Belllleee
Summary: Taylor. After Season finale. He is going to see Wash for the first time.


A sad one. I know I promised Happy fics but this came into my mind. I cried when I wrote this. I finished it about one in the morning – the tears caused a delay-. Please accept my apology at another sad fic and to the over 300 Wash fans out there that read my post finale ramblings. Thank you. With every fic I am reading and the more I analyze the finale, I come to one conclusion, Wash isn't dead. Too many things don't add up for her to be dead, and that gives me hope.

Thank you soooooooooooo much Sky for betaing and being there to help me through my BAMF depression 3

Without further ado.

**-Terra Nova- **

_I watched. I watched the thriving community build up what once was below me. All Terra Novan's coming together to rebuild our civilization._ Breaking the news that we were cut off from the future - from 2149- was the hardest thing he could imagine to tell them. The 985 souls that remained in Terra Nova have the responsibility to create a worldly population and if he wouldn't be damned it's a hell of a responsibility.

Doc Shannon has asked him when he would go to see Lieutenant Washington in the infirmary. It is the morning of the second day since they had made their way back to Terra Nova, back home. In all honesty he would have no idea what to do. He failed her and that thought alone made him wish that he were dead. He once again failed the woman that he loved.

Realizing that Wash would never want him to feel responsible for her death, he finally worked up the courage to walk down from his perch from what's left of the command centre, Taylor made his way to the infirmary. He'd be lying if he said that he didn't procrastinate but after ten minutes he finally came face to face with the glass doors of the infirmary. Taking several deep breaths (which did nothing to settle his nerves) he walked through those glass doors and headed towards where he knew Wash was.

Walking past Doctor Shannon on his way, Taylor spared her a nod while she pointed to a room, which he knew to hold his Lieutenant. Slightly pulling on the practically translucent fabric, Taylor sighed as his cobalt orbs took her in. She was looking as beautiful as always, even in death. Her face looked younger, no longer hardened by the harsh realities of war that she had experienced in too little time. Her darkened skin was pale and he couldn't help but notice the entry wound of the bullet, right between her eyes.

After taking a shuddering deep breath Taylor allowed himself to walk further into the room to sit on the chair beside her. Taking one of her course palms in his he slowly stroked it with his thumb, watching his own tears run down her fingers. Taylor wasn't the sort of man to cry or show so much weakness, but this was Wash and none of that counted when it's her lying on this God damned bed no longer having a pulse and a heart that has stopped forever. Her heart has stopped before -Taylor reminisces – back in Somalia. She had suffered two bullet wounds a little too close to her heart and it gave out. She was in the Med Evac Helicopter when it did, with him right by her side. He wished so much that he could be by her side this time, willing her to stay alive, to keep that heart of hers beating for him, under the pretense that if it didn't he was going to kick her ass.

His gaze moved towards her face. That well defined jaw and that tantalizing skin. So much he wished that she would open those eyes of hers to reveal her amber gems, but the reality hit when she didn't. He was going to have to live everyday for the rest of his life not kissing those beautiful lips of hers. They're molded to perfectly fit his own, like two pieces of a puzzle.

Standing up a little Taylor ran his fingers through her darkened locks. Her hair had always suited her being out and Taylor always mentioned that to her when he saw that she did have it out. He bent down to press a feather light kiss to her forehead before reassuming his previous position by her bio bed.

He sat there for hours just watching her, letting his silent tears pour out. He knew he wasn't ready to let her go. He expected to have years before either one of them was taken from the other, so now he was unprepared to have her gone so swiftly.

He didn't turn when he heard the curtain open but he knew it was Doctor Shannon just by her footsteps, quiet and female like.

"Commander," she said in the soothing and mothering tone that she always spoke in.

He gave her a reply in a grunt; he wasn't ready to speak just yet.

"I just came to check on you," she confessed, stepping closer towards him, "You've been in here for about four hours, sir."

"I'm fine Doc," he rasped, his voice coming out rough due to his tears and the millions of emotions that were swirling through him.

"That I don't believe," The Doc commented. After a long and un-awkward silence the Doctor interrupted it, "It was a girl you know,"

"I'm not following Doc. Care to tell me what I'm missing out on?" Taylor finally turned to address the good Doctor who had a look of surprise marred across her face.

"You mean she didn't tell you?" Doctor Shannon asked. He needn't have asked who the 'she' that was referred to was, as far as he was concerned there was only one.

"She hasn't spoken much of significance lately. Just bring me into the loop Doc," Taylor pleaded, which was a rare sight in itself. The Doctor had never seen him look so broken and weak; it really was a different look on the strong and confident commander.

Doctor Shannon walked closer towards him until she was within touching distance. She placed one of her delicate palms onto his well-muscled shoulder. Giving him a comforting squeeze she began, "Sir. The lieutenant was pregnant."

Taylor was sure he stopped breathing.

Wash. Pregnant?

Why wouldn't she tell him?

The Doctor looked at the Commander wearily, he looked as if he was about to go into shock. Just as she thought that he had literally spaced out she heard is emotion thick voice, "She was pregnant? It was a girl?" he asked.

"Yes sir. She was about seven weeks along," The Doctor elaborated. It made sense to him now. She never went out for drinks with the 'boys' (her soldiers) anymore. After sharing their interment moments Wash had a sudden desire to pull a shirt on. She slept more and he had noticed shifts in her moods. Nothing big, just some subtle shifts. Had Wash been living, breathing with him right now they could be discussing the fact that in seven months they would be welcoming a baby girl into their new world, filled with hope.

"Thanks Doc," he said, effectively dismissing her. She gave one last squeeze on his shoulder before making her exit.

"So you were pregnant Wash? Couldn't think to tell me? I would have like to be there at the sonograms. I would of liked the fact that we are no longer hiding our relationship from the rest of the colony. I would of liked the fact that a little piece of me is growing inside of you. Damn it Wash! I wish you were just alive so I could tell you all this," Taylor told his deceased partner.

Slightly lifting up part of her white tank Taylor pressed his lips to her cold and hardened torso. Having his lips against where their child was invoked emotions that he didn't even know that he had within him.

It was no secret that Wash loved children, but as much as she had wanted her own she knew the chance of that ever happening was a small one so she interacted with all the children in the colony, surprising everyone that her stoic nature allows for such a thing. Taylor knew that she would of made an amazing mother and he wished that she, in some alternate reality had been able to live out her dream. She could be alive, they'd finally be out in the open about their relationship, having little children with their fathers eyes and their mothers complexion.

There in the solitude of the room that harbored his deceased lover did Taylor break down. Sobbing until his heart ached. He cried for Wash. He cried for their unborn child. He cried for the life that he could have had. He cried that he couldn't save them. He cried for everything he missed out on in the limited time that Wash had known about their child.

When he was sure that he had no more tears to shed, Taylor leaned back in his chair by her bed and tried to get comfortable. This would be the last time that they ever get to experience each other's company while sleeping. It would be the last time he would see her before she was lowered into the Earth.

He fished into the left side of her cargo pants pocket and found what he was looking for. A ring. No diamond just a single Topaz gemstone in the centre, to match her eyes.

To them it was all and more then what a diamond ring stood for, it was unique and unconventional for what the message of said ring was trying to convey, that's exactly how they were as individuals and as a couple.

He palmed the ring before reclining back into his chair. The ring in one hand and Wash's hand in the other. 

**-Terra Nova-**

The sunlight of a typical Terra Novan day awoke him. His senses noticed no immediate danger, so they awakened at their leisurely pace. It took him a moment to realize that he wasn't in his bed, or Wash's. Finally opening his eyes it all came back to him. The 11th. The Portal. Lucas. Phoenix Group. Jim Escaping. Wash dying. Taking back Terra Nova. Finding out Wash was pregnant. It was all a rush of images that flowed through him that made him remember what today was; it was the day that he had to bury Wash. The day he had to bury a soldier. The day he had to bury a friend. The day he had to bury a comrade. The day he had to bury his lover. The day he had to bury the mother of his would have been child.

Realizing that, Taylor took the hand that he was still somehow holding and gave its cold surface a kiss before placing it rightfully by her side. He proceeded to place the ring that symbolized so much for two individuals in his pocket. Bending over her forehead Taylor whispered, "I love you Wash," before placing a lingering kiss there.

Walking towards the exit, Taylor opened the curtain and spared one last long look at Wash before continuing on his way out of the infirmary and towards his own home to prepare for her funeral. Today he would wear his dress uniform just as she would be buried in hers. Medals and Accolades decorated both of their uniforms, reinforcing all of the hardships that they had encountered.

After taking a much-needed shower and shave Taylor put on his uniform. He took the ring that he had earlier placed on his dresser and put it in his breast pocket; from now on it would always remain close to his heart, no matter what. Sparing one last look in the mirror, he decided that Wash would deem him as quite handsome and that thought put a smile on his face, but it was quickly wiped away when he realized that she could never again speak those words to him.

**-Terra Nova-**

Here he stood. In the front line of a sure fifty to pay his respects to Wash. Almost all of the colony was here to bid farewell to the beloved soldier. She had a way that touched people's hearts that nobody else could; it was entirely unique to her. He watched as Jim went up to say a few words, followed by Reynolds and then young Riley. They all had glowing things to say about Wash. They spoke fondly of memories that they once shared with her and the way that she would always have to have the last word. Now was time to lower her into her grave before Taylor went to speak about his beloved Alicia.

"Lieutenant Washington has been a friend for many years. She has stitched me up more times than I can count on fingers and toes. I have never met such a headstrong woman in my life, at leat not one that has the fight that she had. She was strong and she died protecting this colony so that we can give humanity a second chance. She was never passionate about many things but she was passionate about this colony. The achievements that we make here are hers as equally as mine. She was a friend that I will have no other like. She was someone that I could count on and she was someone who deserved more time on this Earth. We will never forget you Wash, you mean too much to every single person in this colony to do that. Rest easy soldier," Taylor concluded. After several minutes of complete and utter silence, Taylor piled the first shovel full of Earth to cover the large hole in the ground that held his Lieutenant.

While everyone started to head back to the main part of the colony, either on foot or by rover, Taylor just stood where he was next to her grave. Crouching, he looked over at the mahogany color of her coffin and said his own little prayer for her and a nursery rhyme for their baby girl. After spending several minutes deep in thought, the Commander stood and left Memorial Field. The entire journey back to the command centre remembering times that he spent with Wash. They had good times, bad times, sad times and some of the most memorable times of their lives together.

Walking in the town square, the citizens of Terra Nova gave him their condolences about Wash and made offers to bond over their mutual loss. Taylor nodded politely and continued his way towards the Command centre. The rest of the colony had lost a friend and a soldier. He lost his lover and his child. They couldn't sympathize with him, they had no idea.

Taylor stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of the market. He was passing a house, a house that could only be known as Wash's. Deciding that he had enough courage, he entered her abode. Opening the door to look at her meticulously clean home, Taylor walked in and closed the frosted piece of glass behind him. Her scent lingered in the air and it smelt heavenly to him, it smelt like home. Walking further into her house he picked up the plex pad that had been hers and activated it. There was information about children displayed on the screen and he gathered that she was doing research about children. He smiled at the thought. Had God been willing, in a couple of months they could be lying in bed with her swollen belly reading information about raising their child. But that hadn't happened; she was gone now and there was nothing he could do about it.

Taking Wash's tags and plex pad with him Taylor made his way back towards the door; that was enough progress for one visit. Hurt was emanating from him with every object that he encountered that reminded him of her.

Closing the door behind him he walked back towards the marketplace, in the direction of the Command centre. He had been thinking about placing a monument in place of where Alicia died, something that he was sure that everyone would be for. He would do that tomorrow. But for today he was going to go through her innermost personal thoughts through her plex pad and her tags. Maybe one day in the far distant future would the pain diminish but for today it was still burning largely within him.

**-Terra Nova-**

What did you guys think? Hate me too much? Did it have you in tears too? Have I done BAMF justice? Reviews are appreciated. Love you Wash and BAMF fans.

Belle xoxo


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